0 Accepting You Accepting Me, More Than Hair

With all of the recent drama in the natural hair community and some folks even saying telling the natural hair community to kiss them where they sun don't shine... I wanted to post about acceptance. Not just hair acceptance but, accepting people for who they are, completely. 

This is going to be from woman to woman. You *points to your eyes* and Me *points back at my eyes* 

There are a lot of challenges being a woman, being black, being natural and heck just being human and those challenges are a part of life. Nothing hurts more in life than not being accepted by others. I have never looked for acceptance from strangers but, from those close to me, I have always been sensitive. 


Let me get a little personal: I have a friend who when I first met her, I looked up to her. I thought she was everything I wanted to be as a mother and wife. I thought she was just awesome. Problem? She didn't like me for me and  I found myself trying to change me to be like her. She would critique everything I did. How I spoke, how I dressed, everything. Being around her was hell to say the least and stressful.


I spent years trying to be her her and would hate everything about me because it wasn't like her. Sounds so sad now when I write it out. I was miserable. I wasn't myself. I was not ME. 

After reading a book about Acceptance from the Peaceful Solution Character Education Program, I decided to be ME. If anyone was going to be my friend you had to accept me for who I am. My personality was not changing for anyone and I let folks know their commentary and approval was not needed.  


We have to stop looking for acceptance from others. People will always have an opinion about what you're doing , look like, etc. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself. Whether you relax your hair, wear weaves, wear wigs, rock an afro, whatever. That's your choice. No one has to co-sign your journey through life. (Let me trademark this, lol.) 


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0 Going Natural, The Mental Aspect of Natural Hair

For many women the decision to rock their natural hair can come with much anxiety and fear. After wearing straight hair or weaves majority of our lives, the sense of uncertainty that comes with going natural is actually understandable and quite natural. Going natural isn't just a physical change but, a mental one as well.

If your hair has been straight all of your life, you've obviously grown accustomed to seeing your self that way. Being that, curly hair and straight hair are opposites, picturing yourself with a head full of curls can and does take some getting used to. Here are some tips to help the transition from straight to curly go a little smoother and prevent you from getting sticker shock after the Big Chop!

• Join forums, read blogs, watch youtube and just surround yourself with images of naturally curly women! Remember to find women of all hair types because until you actually go natural, you won't know what kind of curls you have!
• Don't ask for opinions. What? Yes. Don't ask your grandma what she thinks of your hair, if you know she does not like the natural look. You're only going to set yourself up for disappointment and frustration. Make the choice to go natural for you and only you! You don't need approval from others; it's YOUR hair!
• Don't give into negative energy. Yes, it's true curly hair is not the top standard of beauty and many women and men still prefer straight hair but, don't dwell on that. Don't let the fear of what other people may think keep you from enjoying your curls. You may be surprised to find out that your natural hair may not be the topic of the conversation at the dinner table after all.
• Love YOUR hair. Admiring other curls and kinks is fine but, don't start hoping and praying you get curls like someone else. We all are unique and have unique hair, you curls may be tighter or looser than you expect but, that's okay. Just learn the best styles and techniques for your hair.

Accepting your hair is just that, accepting your hair.  If you have other problems with self acceptance, don't try to hide behind having natural hair. Self acceptance means more than accepting your curly hair, you're more than your hair. It's a great start but, learn to accept your looks totally, especially what you can't change.

Also, going natural doesn't mean you will need to wear more makeup or bolder jewelry. Just be you. You don't need any extras. When you're healthy and joyful that's beautiful!

Thanks for reading!

What helped you accept your natural hair?

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0 Special Report- Going Natural

There is a video out about a reporter who went natural and took the film crew with her. Here is a link to the video if you haven't seen it: Special Report- Going Natural

Okay, I'm about to be a Debbie Downer...so skip this post if you don't want to hear my not to "joyful" views on this report.

You have been warned......

I personally, hated the "Special Report". I am glad that more women are going natural but, I don't like the emphasis that is put on "black women" going natural. There are just as many if not more non-black women who also don't have natural hair.

I hate how the public tries to portray the wig/weave industry as if only black women keep them in business. Last I checked there are a heck of a lot of non-black women who rock clips ins and wigs as well. But this post isn't about white versus black, it's about the lack of self acceptance among all races.

What I would like to see is a report on how women in general need to to accept their outward appearance. We all need to accept who we are no matter what color we are. It's not okay for any "race" of people make a particular feature seem less than and I think this point is constantly ignored.

Black women are not the only women wearing weaves, using bleaching cream, using perms, getting plastic surgery and all around not accepting themselves. So, I think the media and others need to stop making it a "black" issue to accept yourself. This is a universal issue and unless we talk about it and stop sweeping it under the rug, we will always have this issue.