0 Accepting You Accepting Me, More Than Hair

With all of the recent drama in the natural hair community and some folks even saying telling the natural hair community to kiss them where they sun don't shine... I wanted to post about acceptance. Not just hair acceptance but, accepting people for who they are, completely. 

This is going to be from woman to woman. You *points to your eyes* and Me *points back at my eyes* 

There are a lot of challenges being a woman, being black, being natural and heck just being human and those challenges are a part of life. Nothing hurts more in life than not being accepted by others. I have never looked for acceptance from strangers but, from those close to me, I have always been sensitive. 


Let me get a little personal: I have a friend who when I first met her, I looked up to her. I thought she was everything I wanted to be as a mother and wife. I thought she was just awesome. Problem? She didn't like me for me and  I found myself trying to change me to be like her. She would critique everything I did. How I spoke, how I dressed, everything. Being around her was hell to say the least and stressful.


I spent years trying to be her her and would hate everything about me because it wasn't like her. Sounds so sad now when I write it out. I was miserable. I wasn't myself. I was not ME. 

After reading a book about Acceptance from the Peaceful Solution Character Education Program, I decided to be ME. If anyone was going to be my friend you had to accept me for who I am. My personality was not changing for anyone and I let folks know their commentary and approval was not needed.  


We have to stop looking for acceptance from others. People will always have an opinion about what you're doing , look like, etc. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself. Whether you relax your hair, wear weaves, wear wigs, rock an afro, whatever. That's your choice. No one has to co-sign your journey through life. (Let me trademark this, lol.) 


For Your Body & Hair Butters Visit:DIY Hair Care Products

0 Natural Hair Has It's Ups and Downs

As with almost anything in life when someone finds something they like a lot, they can often exaggerate the benefits. I don't know what psychological term for this is but, I see it a lot with natural hair. I know all women don't have the same natural hair experience or journey. Natural hair has it's ups and it's downs. As with all all things, you have your great natural hair days and your bad.

Here is some real deal "What You May Have To Expect When Going Natural" :

1. Water can still ruin a hair style.
Say what?! You mean I still won't want to just jump in the pool and frolic in chlorine? Let's be honest, if you didn't like the rain while relaxed you won't like it while natural. With the rain, water and even humidity comes frizz, shrinkage and if you've worked hard on a nice wash n go, braid out or other stretched style, you don't want it getting messed up.

2. No such thing as a "wash n go". 
Yeah, you hear folks saying "I can just get up and fluff my fro and bounce..." Yeah, well for many of us, we have to do a bit more than that. A wash n go for 4a-b naturals consists of shingling, applying 2-3 products, gel, a diffuser and not touching your hair until it sets. The next morning, you might be able to shake and go...if you slept correctly and didn't mess up your curls....

3.  I can get straight hair whenever I want!
Hahahaha! One of the biggest pet peeves for some naturals is how long it takes to straighten our hair. When I first straightened my hair, it took at least 4 hours. I have cut that time down to 1 1/2 hrs. but, it still takes longer than I would like and because of that I don't straighten often.

Now, I don't say these things to discourage anyone from going natural or to make being natural out to be some horrible experience. I say all of this to point out that straight, curly, kinky, relaxed, natural, whatever hair has it's ups and downs. Yes, some days I give the relaxer box a loving glance.

We all have hair frustrations and natural hair is not exempt to this. Just dust it off and keep pushing.


For Your Body & Hair Butters Visit:DIY Hair Care Products 

0 Going Natural, The Mental Aspect of Natural Hair

For many women the decision to rock their natural hair can come with much anxiety and fear. After wearing straight hair or weaves majority of our lives, the sense of uncertainty that comes with going natural is actually understandable and quite natural. Going natural isn't just a physical change but, a mental one as well.

If your hair has been straight all of your life, you've obviously grown accustomed to seeing your self that way. Being that, curly hair and straight hair are opposites, picturing yourself with a head full of curls can and does take some getting used to. Here are some tips to help the transition from straight to curly go a little smoother and prevent you from getting sticker shock after the Big Chop!

• Join forums, read blogs, watch youtube and just surround yourself with images of naturally curly women! Remember to find women of all hair types because until you actually go natural, you won't know what kind of curls you have!
• Don't ask for opinions. What? Yes. Don't ask your grandma what she thinks of your hair, if you know she does not like the natural look. You're only going to set yourself up for disappointment and frustration. Make the choice to go natural for you and only you! You don't need approval from others; it's YOUR hair!
• Don't give into negative energy. Yes, it's true curly hair is not the top standard of beauty and many women and men still prefer straight hair but, don't dwell on that. Don't let the fear of what other people may think keep you from enjoying your curls. You may be surprised to find out that your natural hair may not be the topic of the conversation at the dinner table after all.
• Love YOUR hair. Admiring other curls and kinks is fine but, don't start hoping and praying you get curls like someone else. We all are unique and have unique hair, you curls may be tighter or looser than you expect but, that's okay. Just learn the best styles and techniques for your hair.

Accepting your hair is just that, accepting your hair.  If you have other problems with self acceptance, don't try to hide behind having natural hair. Self acceptance means more than accepting your curly hair, you're more than your hair. It's a great start but, learn to accept your looks totally, especially what you can't change.

Also, going natural doesn't mean you will need to wear more makeup or bolder jewelry. Just be you. You don't need any extras. When you're healthy and joyful that's beautiful!

Thanks for reading!

What helped you accept your natural hair?

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